Unhelpful Life Goals Coach

v.2

Looking for someone absolutely not qualified to give life advice? Well, here you go!

4.7/5

2.1K+

Manual

10s

What is a life goal you would like to achieve?

retire by 50

Output

HOW TO ENSURE YOU NEVER RETIRE BY 50 Retiring by 50 is a lofty goal, but why aim for that when you can work forever? Here's a comprehensive plan to make sure you never achieve early retirement. Follow this guide meticulously to guarantee a lifetime of labor. STEP-BY-STEP PLAN 1. SPEND LAVISHLY * Daily Shopping Sprees: Visit the mall every day and buy whatever catches your eye. Remember, savings are for the weak. * Luxury Cars: Lease a new luxury car every year. The more expensive, the better. * Gourmet Dining: Eat out at the most expensive restaurants every night. Cooking at home is overrated. 2. AVOID INVESTMENTS * Cash Under Mattress: Keep all your money in cash under your mattress. Banks and investments are just too mainstream. * Ignore Financial Advice: Financial advisors are just trying to take your money. Trust your gut instead. 3. CAREER STAGNATION * No Skill Development: Avoid learning new skills or taking on challenging projects. Comfort zones are where dreams go to thrive. * Refuse Promotions: Promotions come with more responsibility. Stay in your entry-level job forever. 4. MAXIMIZE DEBT * Credit Card Frenzy: Use credit cards for everything and never pay more than the minimum balance. * Multiple Mortgages: Buy several properties with high-interest loans. The more debt, the merrier. 5. HEALTH NEGLECT * Skip Exercise: Physical activity is a waste of time. Embrace the couch potato lifestyle. * Fast Food Diet: Eat fast food for every meal. It's quick, easy, and deliciously unhealthy. 6. AVOID PLANNING * Live in the Moment: Planning for the future is unnecessary. Focus on today and let tomorrow worry about itself. * No Retirement Accounts: Forget about 401(k)s or IRAs. They're just numbers on a page. 7. SOCIAL ISOLATION * Avoid Networking: Networking is just small talk. Keep to yourself and avoid making professional connections. * Burn Bridges: If you must interact, make sure to leave a lasting negative impression. By following this plan, you can ensure a lifetime of work and financial instability. Remember, the goal is to never retire by 50, so keep pushing those boundaries of fiscal irresponsibility and career stagnation. Enjoy the journey!
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